It's a Girl!

My life changed over the weekend. Not as much as it will change over the Christmas holiday, but what I found out on Friday afternoon had life altering repercussions.
I found out that Amy and I are having a little girl. WOW! A daughter – the thought of which melts my insides and scares me (not the run away and hide kind of scared, but the, this is heavy kind of scared).

I am about to be a father for the first time, and the thought of someone completely and utterly depending on me for everything is humbling. From day one, when she needs food, changing, burping, to be warmed up or cooled down – she looks to me (and Amy of course). It doesn’t stop there, I will be the source of information for my little girl (I will not be the one teaching her colors, because I am color blind) – but that weighs heavy on me, I think about all the questions that kids ask, and I am excited for the innocent curiosity of my little girl, but it makes me wonder if I can answer all those questions without saying “just because.”
I wonder what she will look like, whose personality traits she gets (and I am praying that she gets her looks and personality from Amy). I wonder if I am patient enough, strong enough, adequate enough…

But, it’s more than that – as a Father, in many ways I will shape my daughter’s view of her Heavenly Father – her God. And this thought, more than any other (except one, which I will get to in a minute) is what I spend time thinking about. The love, grace, discipline, etc that I give to my little girl will color her view of the Almighty and that makes me ache to be more like Christ. I want to teach her to love God – not religion, to follow Christ – not just rules, to be a light in the world – not afraid of the world. I pray for strength and intentionality in my relationship with my daughter, so that she can look back on her upbringing not to remember me, but to remember Christ in me.

One last thought about my new daughter, the thought that comes to me most often, is how crazy I am about this little girl who I have not even met yet. Have you ever seen a batter’s knees buckle when they see Barry Zito’s curve? That is exactly how I feel inside I think about my daughter, I just kind of go all rubbery. I can’t wait until Christmas.